Christmas Done Wrong

You had to know this was coming...

There are so many to choose from, but here, we will discuss the most terrible, awful, ear-piercing songs of the season.

Number one on this is, always has been, and always will be Last Christmas by WHAM! It’s been covered by so many other artists, and it makes you wonder how much they had to be paid to get them to be associated with this absolute wreck of a... I can’t even call it a song. It’s just that bad. How people can actually listen to this, is a mystery that Scully and Mulder need to investigate. 

Then there’s the grating tune called Christmas Shoes. It pulls at the heartstrings, and is generally a good song... until the ten-millionth time you’ve heard it that day. Adding the kid for the one chorus was a play at emotion that wound up making the song even more intolerable. Not sorry.

As I mentioned in my last post, I absolutely detest The Christmas Song by the usually amazing Nat King Cole. The melody sounds like it was written by a drunk chimpanzee going to town on an out-of-tune piano. It may rhyme, but there’s absolutely no reason to the format. No. Just... no.

With this one, we’re definitely not having a Wonderful Christmas Time. Make it stop. Now. It was most likely written as propaganda for North Korea, as the repetitive message, in forced cheerfulness, is literally the only thing anyone remembers from this disaster of an unfortunate classic. Paul McCartney should have quit when he was ahead.

Mariah Carey is a powerhouse. Nobody can ever deny that. When her now-famous Christmas tune debuted, it was an instant hit. Here we are, twenty-six years later, and there’s not one person I know of who doesn’t want this thing to disappear into the abyss of murdered hits. Dear artists, stop covering this, unless you’ve got some new way of doing it. It’s overdone, and beyond tired.

To be perfectly honest, since I signed up for Spotify, I haven’t listened to a radio long enough to hear all the obnoxious Christmas songs, so remembering them is thankfully difficult. Tell me some of your least favorite disasters in the comments!

See you on the B-sides

Christmas Done Right

If it has to be 24/7 Christmas music, at least play the good versions!

From covers of the classics, to new beats, to the ones we would love to see disappear forever, Christmas music is everywhere. Some of the more obnoxious shops start playing these tunes on November 1st, others wait until after Thanksgiving (as they should). We all have our favorites. Let’s talk about some of them!

When it comes to “Jingle Bells”, nobody beats Old Blue Eyes, himself, mister Frank Sinatra. Now, understand something— I absolutely hate Sinatra, but his version of this Christmas classic is unmatched. It swings, and makes it impossible to sit still. This is a must for your holiday playlist!

Martina McBride has a cover of “Do You Hear What I Hear” that anyone— country fan or not— will love. The progressions are on point, and her powerful voice brings the meaning, and feeling, of the song to life. Well done, and not too much.

“Up On The Housetop”, covered by Pentatonix, is going to be on repeat for hours! Actually, the whole album is a win. The fabulous a capella group has four holiday albums, but A Pentatonix Christmas (2017) is my personal favorite. If you saw the latest version of Dr Seuss’s “The Grinch (2018)”, you’ll recognize a cover on this album.

If you want a flip on the traditional “Santa Baby”, originally recorded by Eartha Kitt, you’ll want to head straight over to none other than Michael Bublé. Same melody, same sentiment, new lyrics. Michael is like the groundhog of Christmas— he pops up every year to get us dancing through the season.

As for an original holiday tune, N*SYNC (judge me) has a great one. It’s cheesy, a little awkward, but nonetheless a great song. “I Never Knew The Meaning of Christmas” is everything we needed from 90’s boy bands at Christmas. 

Not a very common song, “Pat-a-Pan” is catchy, so I probably wouldn’t let kids listen to it. You’ll love it... the first fifty times. Then you’ll want to slap David Archuleta in his stupidly angelic face. An old French tune brought into modern times perfectly.

Two years ago, the hip-hop violinist graced us with a Christmas album that is everything we have come to expect from her, and more. Lindsay Stirling’s album, Warmer in the Winter, has both beloved classics, and new jams. Teaming up with vocal artists, like All Time Low’s Alex Gaskarth, this album definitely needs to be in your list! Yes, the whole album.

Christmas is a fun time to be in a band or orchestra. It’s even more fun to listen to them. The Boston Pops, directed by former Utah Symphony conductor Kieth Lockhart, has quite the list of fabulous Christmas tunes. My personal favorites are the purely instrumental “Sleigh Ride”, and “The Twelve Days of Christmas” featuring Tanglewood Festival Chorus. You may want to brush up on your music references before checking out that one, as each of the twelve days is done in a new way.

(Almost) anything by Nat Kong Cole is a sure-fire hit. The man oozed Christmas, but the ones that have been my absolute favorites are his “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” and “Joy to the World”. Call me whatever you like, but I do not now, nor will I ever, like “The Christmas Song”. If I want someone nipping my nose, I’ll find a puppy.

Finishing off this post with Amy Grant’s “Breath Of Heaven”. Known in many circles, but not known enough, in my opinion. An absolutely beautiful song that represents Christmas as CHRISTmas.

What are the must-haves in your holiday playlists? 

See you on the B-sides

Messing With Good Things

Hey, music freaks! It’s been a while! Let’s see if we can keep this going, eh?

We’ve all loved a song, but had it ruined in blatant marketing schemes the industry calls “mixes”. These mixes are done by using club-like backbeats, or re-recorded with “special guests”. Sometimes, these are good. Sometimes they’re bad. So, today, I’m going to talk about one of these.

Earlier this year, All Time Low released “Wake Up, Sunshine”, which is arguably their best album since “Nothing Personal”, back in 2009. One of the tracks on this absolutely fabulous album, is titled “Monsters”. It’s catchy, thought-provoking, and a fan favorite. Last night, or this morning (depending on where you live), ATL released a new mix of “Monsters”, featuring Demi Lovato.

The addition of Lovato could have been incredible, but they totally botched it... big time. Lovato’s voice and tone match the ATL style with precision. She goes all out to add to this hit. The problem comes in the presentation of the addition.

The song starts, totally normal, and you can’t tell it’s different. Alex Gaskarth, doing what he does best, leads the way into the rap by blackbear. Then, with no buildup, no intro, and no warning, Demi Lovato comes in hard, covering the end of blackbear’s moment. She then solos on a chorus, which is awesome, but... 

My problem with this new mix is, it sounds absolutely empty without introducing Lovato, sooner. This version makes her sound like a party crasher— uninvited, and pushing ATL out of the way to get a moment of recognition. In essence, it sounds haphazard, at best.

Nothing against All Time Low or Demi Lovato— both amazing artists— it simply isn’t executed well.

What do you think if this new release? Do you like it? Do you not? Let’s talk in the comments!

See you on the B-sides